"It's OK" is a comedy-drama about a strongheaded schoolteacher (who does not want to have children) and her mother (who becomes more progressive over the course of the film). It topped China's box office in April, helped by its bold exploration of often-taboo topics such as marital rape and women's use of sex toys. But censors deemed that one subject was beyond the pale. At one point there is a tell-tale mismatch between the mother's facial movements and her voice when she tells her husband she wants to separate. Viewers lip-read the missing words: "Sexually and emotionally, you've never made me feel good. I want a divorce."

With the population shrinking and birth rates plunging, the government is keen to keep people in wedlock. In 2003 it abolished a requirement for employers to write a letter as part of divorce proceedings. This caused divorces to surge, so in 2021 a 30-day cooling-off period was introduced before a divorce can be made official. The numbers dropped, but have since rebounded. In 2025 divorces by mutual agreement reached their highest level in five years. More than 2.7m were registered, up by 28% from 2021. Data for court cases have yet to be released, but women are clearly leading the charge: some 70% of plaintiffs are female.

The rise is remarkable given the obstacles. To qualify, there must be a "breakdown of mutual affection". If couples decide to contest this in court, such breakdown can be hard to prove. Photos showing abuse are often rejected as evidence unless backed by a police report and medical testimony, says a lawyer in Shanghai. In 2023 only 29% of first hearings resulted in divorce. He Xin of the University of Hong Kong thinks this is because of the government's eagerness to promote births and protect social stability. It appears to think that keeping people in tortured marriages helps with these goals. Even when courts agree to grant divorce it usually takes about 18 months.

For some women, a deterrent to divorce is the way that courts divide property. Since 2011, each partner gets back whatever assets they put into the marriage at the time of tying the knot. That means men, whose parents typically pay for the home or down-payment for one, are likely to keep the family home. Last year a revision to the marriage law also made it more difficult for women to claim compensation for their unpaid household labour, argues Emma Zang of Yale University in America.

Even so, women are becoming more confident about asking for divorce. China's erstwhile one-child policy led families to invest more resources in daughters. Today more women are enrolled in higher education in China than men. Though few call themselves "feminist"—the authorities abhor that word—they demand greater equality in relationships. In her sleek office overlooking Shanghai, Gui Fangfang, a family lawyer, recalls how women would routinely cite reasons for divorce that involved egregious behaviour by their husbands such as domestic violence, infidelity or reckless gambling. Now they more often relate to the "quality of the marriage" and differences in values, she says. Better-educated women can also afford to contemplate divorce because they can obtain higher-paid jobs.

Growing numbers are blogging about their experiences. One is Yolanda Yu, a 29-year-old in the eastern city of Hefei. She describes how, after her drunk husband beat her, their conservative parents advised against divorce. She stuck it out and switched from tutoring to e-commerce to double her salary and shoulder more of the couple's financial burden. But her husband did not change. Ms Yu says this is typical of men: "They cannot change their ingrained male chauvinism, believing women should serve them." She received her divorce certificate in August, then learned to drive and bought a car. "I wanted to take control of the steering wheel," Ms Yu says, enjoying the metaphor.

It is not only their own marriages that women are questioning. Growing numbers are shunning the institution itself. In 2024 marriages fell to the lowest number since 1980. Last year there was an 11% bump. But this may be because a leap month in the lunar calendar made it an auspicious "double spring" year for marriage, and because of a new policy allowing couples to marry anywhere rather than only in their hometowns. Ji Yingchun of Shanghai University says the government's "easy entry and strict exit" approach to marriages is unlikely to boost their numbers. "Until greater gender equality is achieved, some people may increasingly choose to reconsider marriage," she says.

Women's changing attitudes are being reflected in films and on television, on streaming platforms and even in stand-up comedy—a form of entertainment once dominated by men. And for all their inhibitions about the D-word, censors are allowing some leeway. In recent years, a hit TV show about celebrity couples on the cusp of divorce has prompted discussions across the country. Divorced middle-aged women such as a comedian known as "Director Fang" and Su Min, a road-tripping livestreamer whose life was made into a film, have been celebrated for leaving unhappy homes. To make marriage attractive and durable, policymakers must think not only about the beginning and the possible end, but also about how to encourage equality during it.